Review: Drink More Glurp
A few years ago, I was complaining to someone about how bad the controls were when I was playing a videogame. I can’t remember the exact game, but that doesn’t really matter. The person I was chatting to said, “go and play QWOP and then complain about controls.” Seeing this as a personal challenge, I typed QWOP into Google and discovered it was a browser game I could play straight away. The aim of the game is simple, run 100 meters as fast as possible. The twist is you control the runner using keys Q W O P which control the calves and thighs. Rather than describe the gameplay, I will advise you to do the same as I did many years ago and try QWOP. See how far you can run.
Why am I telling you all this you may ask? Well, physics-based games have since become extremely popular with the likes of Octodad: Dadliest Catch, I Am Bread, and Surgeon Simulator hitting the virtual shelves. All of these games share one thing in common. The controls are purposefully shit! Ok, that is perhaps a bit harsh, but they are specifically designed for comedy and making it as difficult as possible for you to achieve your goal. These types of games have become popular with Youtubers and streamers, as their viewers can watch them make a tit of themselves whilst laughing at the unintentional consequences of trying to carry out a simple action. You can probably tell, I’m not a big fan of these games.
Anyway, I went into Drink More Glurp with an open mind, mainly because I knew nothing about it. Drink More Glurp shares similarities to QWOP, because it is a series of sporting events which can range from a simple sprint to the finish, to a long jump. In total there are 30 different events for you to compete in. The twist with the gameplay here is the right analogue stick controls the right arm, and the left stick controls the left arm. The trick is to figure out how to get your runner to move by “twiddling” the sticks in a certain way. Jumping means you have to move the sticks down and then up. You can also grab onto things by holding the trigger buttons. Again, each trigger works independently and controls a specific arm.
On the bright side, the graphics are colourful, and you can customise your character to suit your taste. There is a party mode where up to 20 players can compete, or you can play single player challenges to practice.
Drink More Glurp really isn’t my cup of tea, and I totally acknowledge I’m not the right audience for this game. I can see the fun aspect of games like this (and the ones I mentioned before) but they really aren’t for me. I’ve been playing games for nearly 40 years, so feel free to call me a grumpy old tosser. I’m from a different generation that grew up with games which had terrible controls. The difference is, games had terrible controls because their creators didn’t know any differently and were still learning how to perfect their craft. They weren’t purposefully bad because it might be “fun” like today. On the other hand, if you like physics-based games designed to try and make you laugh, you might enjoy Drink More Glurp. Now get off my lawn and play some proper videogames!
Drink More Glurp is available now on Nintendo Switch and PC.
Review by Chris.