Review: They Call Her…Cleopatra Wong

DVD: They Call Her…Cleopatra Wong (1978)

What is Cleopatra Wong, I hear you say? Well it’s not what you’d expect…and no, it’s not \’Cleopatra gone wrong\’. It’s a 1978 low budget action/martial arts movie.

I was listening to Episode 169 (aptly numbered) of the 60 Minutes With podcast (an S.O.S. show with Dave and Tina) and I had to stop listening and watch this awesomely shit (Tina’s words not mine) movie.

I’ve been subjected to a few Badly Awesome Movies over the last few years thanks to @justin_knowles and his BAMcast. So I wasn’t expecting much when I started watching this.

Boy was I pleasantly surprised!

It’s got fully clothed sex scenes, bionic jumping, kickass Kung Fu, walking and running…hold on…what’s this muppet on about I hear you say, don\’t most movies have walking and running in them? Yes, but this does it like Steve McQueen does car chases in Bullet. 

The main character Cleopatra Wong (played by Marrie Lee) is an Asian Interpol Agent who gets a call at 4 am in the morning when she is having hanky panky while fully clothed, and is given a case to crack a ring of money counterfeiters.

So how does Cleopatra get the counterfeiters attention? Well by going into a jewellery shop and buying the most expensive jewellery in the shop with the counterfeit money.

This gets Cleopatra arrested and the counterfeiters attention. So they bail her out and she is sent to one of the bosses houses. Genius plan if I do say so myself.

To cut a long story short; she has to fight some wrestlers (yeah just go with it) and then a load more enemies. To escape she does a \’bionic jump\’ over a huge wall, which is something Lyndsay Wagner would have been proud off.

Then a walking/running chase begins with lots of kicking ass in it. Now I’m no expert but why do all the enemies go at Cleopatra one at a time?

After one or two more fully clothed sex scenes, Cleopatra gets the lowdown on where the baddies are printing this money from. Yes it\’s a bloody monastery of all places! So Cleopatra assembles a crack team of experts to infiltrate the monastery.

Just before that we get to meet the head honcho and his hilarious gang of merry men. Some of the accents accents in that gang, which range from Irish to Italian, put me into fits of laughter. Adding to the hilarity is all of the baddies being dressed up in nuns clothing, as the real nuns are being held captive.

So Cleopatra and her gang of experts invade the monastery and lots more hilarious fighting ensues.

After much gunning down of what seems like a never ending stream of villains, Cleopatra helps get the real nuns to safety. But the main guy is escaping, so out of nowhere Cleopatra gets on this super-bike, which is something that resembles Evel Knievel’s stunt bike from the 70’s. The bloody thing had jets and James Bond-esque guns on the back!

So Cleopatra Wong and her gang of experts minus one, get out alive and save the day…hurrah.

So yes I recommend this goes back on Dave\’s \’Shelves of Awesomeness\’ and not the \’Shelves of Shame/Shit\’ as Tina would like to call them.

I’d give this a score of 8/10 for being so awesomely, ridiculously great.

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Review by Colm.